“A good friend will help when you ask. Being your own friend means you don’t even have to ask.”
Friends are important in life, perhaps even indispensable. They can give you a sense of belonging in a world that often feels cold and lonely. You know you have a friend when that person is always there for you and you both feel a bond of affection. Learning to be your own friend is one single habit that opens the door to many specific best practices in life. It helps you know yourself better, like yourself more, and make the sound practical choices that a trusted friend would recommend. How do you acquire the habit?
First, get to know yourself. The Self-awareness Snapshot in PerfectCoaches is designed to help make that happen. But to truly know yourself you have to pay attention, watching yourself like you watch a friend when you want to understand them.
Second, feel the affection for yourself that you would feel for a valued friend. The goal is not self-love, because an excessive need for adoration can never be satisfied. Rather, like yourself for the things that are good about you. It’s especially important that you don’t “beat yourself up” for mistakes you make. A caring friend would never do that. A true friend sees your limitations, and sees past them. That’s what friends are for.
Finally, make time for yourself every day, just as you would make time for a friend. Set aside a few minutes to think things over and spend time with you. Treat yourself to “alone time,” as some people call it, except be alone with your friend, yourself.
Talking to your coach. Using your own measure of success, once a day or throughout the day tell your coach why you have—or haven’t—been your own friend. Making the journal entry will stimulate your thinking about what it means to be your own friend. Your coach’s job is to ask questions, not expecting an answer, but rather to make you aware of cues and reinforcers that drive the habit.
Everyday, you have another chance to make things better.
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